Var's Volumes

My Life Is A Horribly Distended Bastardization Of Comic Relief - And I Thrive In It!

I’m probably one of the worst bloggers out there, if only because I’m amazing at updating it so often /sarcasm

For starters, I am not even sure where to start.

Do I start with Douchecanoe? The owner of the Vintage Games store that I’ve popped into occasionally in the last few weeks? (Almost typed pooped - har har) 

Do I continue on with what occurred after that insanely long first date?

Dare I even consider opening with the fact that said date’s Dad has turned our relationship into some form of twisted video games, with levels, achievements, and boss fights?

I suppose I should consider that the girlfriend (That’s right, that date did turn out very well) has been waiting for me to update the progress of our relationship on my blog for weeks now… and to include that OMG OMG OMG We’re FACEBOOK official. Had I expected any less of a reaction to that news from her, I would probably have been slightly disappointed but as it stands that is not the case.

Right, I wasn’t even sure where I left off from the last blog… I actually had to check it. 

I ended the previous entry with that of a current timer of 13 hours. Though it may shock some of you, it proceeded to last another 25 hours. Yes, that is correct - a full 38 hours. 

No, we didn’t get sick of one another’s company at all during that time, hence why I believe this is working as well as it is. So far, our personalities have done nothing but compliment the other in almost every aspect. Oddity, creativity, psychosomatic mental issues and the like. The two of us also have adversely incredible relationships that have made us who were are. At least, that’s what I’ve gotten from it. Now now, I know what you’re thinking, opposites attract and likes repel… but I have yet to find any truth in that so far. Maybe if I poke enough fun at LoL or something… or intentionally push her in a lake, from a helicopter (Good like getting her up there I’m thinking).

Back on track now, after passing out in a mutual embrace on our friend’s couch we awoke at what the ambient light would suggest to be 0700-0800hrs. She stirred, and I noticed that she drooled a bit… teased her for a bit, but in truth it’s one of the more adorable things that she’s done. 

It was only after that our friend tried to rouse us properly. The method she used was both torturous and utterly disturbing. A white hot glare from outside stabbed my eyes as she violently pulled the curtains open. Blinded, cringing in pain, and having nothing but the imprint of the room embedded in the back of my eyelids, I gasped “IT BURNSES US, IT BURNSES!”, and was informed that it was in fact closer to 1400hrs…

Fast forward to pants, and company at our friend’s apartment… I was subject to what may have been the worst D&D game I have ever experienced. It was Shadowrun to be specific. The GM set a decent enough campaign, but I have… never… what? I DON’T EVEN…guh. Not only was the most interesting player character (Imagine Barret from FF7 multi classing as a baker) completely IGNORED all game… the input from the one character that essentially monopolized the campaign, had the most uninteresting suggestions for some really cool obstacles. The other thing I can’t believe is, it was supposed to be a kidnapping… not a single shot was fired… there was no combat WHATSOEVER, and when they found the target (little girl with a security detail) they just said… “Let’s go!” and she said “Okay” AND The security team WENT WITH THEM! Can you say easiest kidnapping ever? Seriously… 

After that horrendous experience, I believe that we adventured around the city a little… can’t remember exactly. All I know is that my date and I finally got some alone time for the first time in the 36 hours that we had been dating by this point. Sadly by this point it was to see me off soon, so we made a quick stop at the park by the transit centre. While perusing the grounds I pulled her off to this nice little bridge over the main river (I misread that as pushed her off this nice little bridge -tee hee). The bridge was covered top to bottom in small amber bulbs, every banister, railing, it was astounding. 

At this point, I think I was comfortable making my move (perfect timing amirite?). Some cute happened, but what topped it off was the fact that a little old lady ran away giggling to herself after snapping a picture of the two of us embracing on this little glowing amber bridge. 

The girlfriend didn’t notice, then again… I didn’t tell her until the next day. Didn’t wanna ruin the moment yannow?

I’m gonna stop here for now… cause this shit is long enough.

TLDR; 38 hour date was successful… bitch about other shit later

Single’s Game? I don’t fething know.

Unsuspected circumstances for the day so far. 

What started as a simple VOIP chat, has careened into some form fantastical and gratuitously dangerous set of adventures, and a date.

Dangerous, not for myself but for the people around me. 

The first of my adventures involved me wandering around York University in a huff, trying to find the god damn GO ticket vendor. Little did I know that the only apparent vendor for said tickets was closed until 930am. Mind you I had been walking around since about 730am… and almost an hour had already past.

Anyway, I found my bus and spoke to the operator. I was sooner to find out from him that, tickets must be purchased on the bus directly. He looked at me quizzically and with a hint of disdain, as I only had a 20 to break for the $6 trip to square one.

The bus was quite the eventful trip as well. Finding myself almost tripping up the stairs to the second level to sit at the very top and front over the bus. You know, the best seat… cause I need to feel any FUCKING taller!

Boom! Square one, alive. So far anyway.

Have an hour to spare before my connecting bus was to depart, so i spend a little time reading. Ciaphas Cain - Defender of the Imperium. Just cause.

Figured, I should probably get some breakfast, or at least a coffee so I don’t fall asleep and miss my bus. So, I headed off for the nearest Tim’s Hoe’s.

After spending quite a bit of time in an extraordinarily long line… i decided to check my watch. Twenty minutes to go, not a bad amount of time. Make it to the next in line to be served, one person in front of me. He makes a stupidly huge order. Check watch… 2 minutes. FUCK. THAT. 

Book it from the line, getting nothing but odd stares - Don’t give no fucks. Arrive at the bus stop with less than 3 minutes to spare. Wouldn’t have made it otherwise. 

No luck for nap on that trip - I’d miss the stop otherwise. My partner in crime knows that I can’t nap for shit. (1 Hour Nap = 6 hours later). Read some more Ciaphas.

Meet with datey mcdaterton. Wander around town, meet some friends. Old bookstore that smelled awesome was involved as well.

Harrass (nicely mind you) a local vintage game shop. He wants to buy all my things. He’s also not sure if he likes me or not. He can’t decide, and he doesn’t know why he can’t either. (Might have pushed that decision with a later event)

Break into a Tim Hortons to actually get some breakfast - meet up with our other adventurer.

little to no action for the next few hours.

Maybe came to the point where I could have smothered myself with the couch. That’s right, the WHOLE couch. Whatcha gonna do.

Proceeded to spend the new few hours speaking in my fabled Irish accent, and greeting our 4th and final adventure with said accent. 

It was at this juncture in time that I found it prudent to run back into the Vintage Games store, and yell to the owner from the counter (with whom I’ve spoken earlier) in my Irish accent - spouting about Douche-canoes and such. The aftermath of which left a rather large number of confused staff, and startled customers. I then fled, with little to no clue as to what had actually transpired.

Arts and crafts followed later, with a few episodes of Invader Zim. 

Kinda finding myself stranded out west here, and being unable to get home via the GO, as they’ve stopped running hours ago apparently… awesome.

Incidentally followed by almost missing a bus, walking through a blizzard, missing the second bus… grabbing a taxi.. and FINALLY getting something to eat at the ungodly hour that is now.

For now the night is young… 

Let’s hope the casualties are few.

-> Date’s going well by the way. For those of you paying attention (It’s been like 13 hours since it started xD)

I never wanted this (STFU Jensen)

As I would put it, there are a lot of things I hate about myself. No no, don’t go telling me that I’m perfect the way that I am, or that I’m thinking like a maniac – because I know that. That doesn’t mean I should try to improve the little things about myself that I find unfavourable. That could range from the things I’ve done poorly – thus I can avoid repetition in the future (I never regret things remember, that’s bad), to the fact that I STILL FORGET TO TURN THE KETTLE ON WHEN I PLUG IT IN!

A little more serious though, again I find myself with my priorities out of whack. My state of living has been improving slowly (that’s a plus), but my focus on the things important and close to me has been slipping. I find myself wishing that I could have paid more attention to the needs of my loved ones, instead of focusing solely on getting my life’s obstacles out of the way; or trying to secure my position in the long term. It’s been an idle thought in my mind the last few weeks, imagining another dimension and playing it all out – analyzing it.

Analyzing, analyzing… If I’m not careful, I may end up obsessively critiquing my life and others to the point where I will be utterly and completely alone. A gift - and as always - a curse (balance and shit) admonished to me by whatever powers may be, to foresee any and all outcomes to a given situation. I mean EVERY outcome. Here is the downside though, I spend so much time trying to figure out how to get to the outcome I want, or feel is the worst of all evils – that I miss the chance entirely, or in the process sacrifice something close to me, only to have it be the wrong choice. 

It sucks. It’s a lonely experience, heartbreaking to a point. Think about having a moment of déjà vu and something happens, then over the course of the next few hours it repeats with different outcomes, solutions, or even problems. And in a matter of days, you’re staring it in the face trying to remember what you did in that particular event (only to frak it up).

I’ve fethed up jobs, relationships, friendships, chance meetings, connections. The worst of it was losing a few of the most influential people in my life. Like I said, it sucks.

Thought processes like those above this statement usually form under the application of different genres of music. I love music, and hate it at the same time. Especially because the music I enjoy most provokes the feelings and emotions that I do not wish to experience. Of course, subconsciously I believe I play this kind of music to feel that way. Isn’t that neat?

Self-induced, temporary depression (I’ll feel better in the morning don’t worry) forced upon myself, by myself, to help myself. I don’t willingly express the feelings I should at the appropriate time. So in order to balance what little sanity I have left I effectively torture myself (Isn’t complexity fun?). It isn’t (It is).

Today I bid farewell to my English (ENGLISH ENGLISH) compatriot. Finally parting ways at the gateway to his glorious travels separated only by an overweight lazy lump of a man whose only method of travel was a rolling stool.

A simple parting of ways: The warrior’s embrace, ended with the sign of the Emperor’s glorious Aquila over our hearts. In truth, another moment I wish I didn’t have to experience. I was spared this feeling the first time, as I had someone to share that moment with. The second, I was unable to be present. This third (and hopefully final) time, I had to deal with it alone. Now, I’m a big boy. Call me a whiney bitch, but given that I’ve grown to be a little paranoid – I’ve had some… less than ideal visions as to what could happen. Good ones too, to balance it out.

Regardless, it left me… conflicted.

I don’t like being conflicted, but here I am. Tomorrow morning I will sit here, read this, and respond with…

Wow, I’m a little bitch. 

Today I yelled at a self-checkout

As I’m sitting here, stuffing my face full of fried deliciousness (California Thai you’re delicious - probably terrible for me… but delicious nonetheless) I’ve been thinking. 

I’m going to be finally done school within the next month… and unlike most people, I know EXACTLY what I’m going to be doing when that time comes. For those that don’t know what I do, I’m grocer by day and a demented psychopathic film maker at night. 

I think it’d be nice, not to have to turn down requests to work on sets because I have school. Look at THAT, I wanna be BUSIER~! MUAHAHA

Is it bad that I’d rather work an 18+ hour day on set than sit in a classroom for 6 hours? I don’t think so.

Truth be told though, I probably won’t live to see the end of my school year. Not because I’m a depressed comedic individual with little to raise my own spirits, but because of my experiments; WITH Spirits!

Not ghosts you twat! (Looking at you Spencer) - That lovely poison that we all enjoy so keenly. <- It’s a word FUCK YOU KEV

So my experiment is as follows:

Five pounds of candy (Skittles, Sour Gummy Bears, Sour Cherry Blasters, 2 Pixie sticks (the BIG ones), Extreme Sour Warheads, and Chewy Jolly Ranchers)

4 Bottles of Mio (Concentrated liquid juice mix)

4 Energy Drinks

6 Bottles of this really thick, and incredibly sweet juice from the Asian market down the street

I’m taking all of these things and soaking them in Alcohol for a week or so, and then straining the booze out - and making drinks with said booze.”

After that, I’ll be taking the spirit - rich, sugary mess and putting it all in a blender, along with the energy drinks, juice and Mio - then BLEND AWAY~

Lastly, I’m going to drink that which I have dubbed the diabetic killer (lethal within 30 yards) and sticking myself in the most densely populated area I know. (Dundas Square during rush)

——————-

Why do I do this to myself you ask? 

Well, partially cause as smart as I am, I’m really dumb. In the sense that Einstein couldn’t tie his shoes, I allow my id to indulge in my twisted little escapades. *cough cough Chibi cough cough*

If that doesn’t make any sense. I’m so smart, that I am stupid - and I have fun trying to kill myself with retarded experiments.

The other partiality is that I no longer worry about leaving any ‘significant others’ behind. Yup. You heard me. 

Now that I’m single again (holy shit almost two years ago D=) I don’t need to feel so guilty if my heart explodes from multiple heart attacks and strokes all occurring at the same time.

——————

More on my relationship nonsense for those that give too much of a shit - 

Yes, we were cute together (key word: WERE) and it was the longest ‘real’ relationship I’ve had to date (1yr 9m and 14 days).

No, I’m not counting that 9 year fuck my head sideways bullshit that continues to nag at me in the back of my mind. The fact that I’ve put and end to that game, yet continues in my head frightens me.

ANYWAY! 

The last few weeks, with our ridiculous schedules and timings and blahdy blah - we barely got to see each other (Once in the last two months -seriously- look at my serious face T____T )

I am a bit skeptical towards that being the actual reason for her to put an end to it though. Possibly because I over think everything, or the voices in my head are very convincing.

Either way, I get the feeling that there is more to this than I realize - I just don’t know what. I’m not really in a caring enough mood to push it though.

/Paranoia

——————-

As I’ve mentioned before - After almost two years, I am now single. It is… the single… most awkward/uncomfortable feeling I’ve had since this relationship began. More awkward than getting hit on by gay guys, and even having customers at my work flirt with me.

I don’t need to worry about accidentally flirting back either - another odd feeling… but I’m at work. So I remain as professional as I can… *burst out laughing*

Right now, I’m dealing with two *temporary* side effects from “The single”

1 - I drink a lot more…. and I mean a LOT. It takes quite a bit to get me drunk… and I’ve hit that threshold twice in three days. And,

2 - Trouble Sleeping. Most people have trouble sleeping by themselves after having someone else for so long. I started having trouble back when the ex-gf went to Germany/France for nearly two months.

It got pretty hard, and seeing that she was hours and hours ahead of me… I had to get used to not hearing from her. 

Which I guess is why I’m not so bothered (or saw it coming I guess)

So, every time I messaged her after she got back - she was either at work/busy/sleeping/drawing or animating. Already being used to not hearing from her, I put it in my mind that every time I tried to send a message I was bugging her. Taking time away from what she wanted or had to do.

That, and every time SHE was free, I was at work, school, or on set… go figure.

There I sat… for the next few days, whispering to myself… just six more weeks. Six more, and you’re done school. Six more and you can spend ALL OF THE FREE TIME.  

That was short-lived though, as within the next few hours I found myself in the position I am currently sitting in. 

—————

Enough of that depressing bullshit.

On a lighter note - When I found that I had a week off coming - instead of going to see the other as i had planned - I went to see two friends of mine in Orillia. Mostly to see the meteor shower but alas, it was grey cloudy skies the WHOLE trip.

Had a lot of fun that trip, got to play with a retarded pug that handstands while peeing (it ends up all over his face), met some pretty awesome people, got drunk, belted out Bohemian Rhapsody at the bar, and once I have my new place - I’m going to be taking a pair of rats of said two friends that I went to visit.

Yup, two rats! Moe and Abacus (supposed to be Atticus - like Finch) Who are totally adorable - and according to their keeper - they totally miss me~! Looking forward to playing with them and all that jazz.

————-

TL’DR - I’m stupid, Love fucking sucks, and I drink too much, Rats are AWESOME

Does this make me a terrorist, or a freedom fighter?

So,

Today my brothers and I thought it prudent to make a dry ice bomb today (water bottle, water, and dry ice). I must say, it was very effective.

We started by walking down towards the abandoned silo nearby. Watched as my oldest brother ran towards it, thinking to myself… that’d be funny if his bag blew up.

*boom*

There went one bottle, only a minute or so after I had mentioned it.

… One down, one to go.

After pouring a little snow out of his bag, we removed the bottles and prepped them. As soon as we added the water they started smoking. Got the caps on fast as we could… hissing. The one that popped was useless.

So, wait for the other one…. 30 seconds or so pass… still hissing. Something must be wrong with it.

BEING THE GENIUSES THAT WE ARE - we walk up to it, huddle around it as we poke and prod. Hmm… maybe if we shake it… nothing… hmmm… tighten it more? nothing.

Brother gets an idea. I’m going to loose-BOOM!

Room goes solid white. I can’t see. Hat is gone. Glasses? Nowhere to be found. Ice in my face and eyes. Hear my other brother and his friend laughing. Oh shit, Nick’s got his hands on his eyes.

Mini freak out, I’m fine. First brother (holding the bottle) - got it in the face like me. He’s fine, we can’t feel our faces. Cuts on our faces, hands… anywhere we got hit.

Come back home, laugh our fucking heads off.

Probably gonna do it again tomorrow.

Hey! HEY LADY! YEAH, YOU WITH THE WEIRD HAT!

It seriously took tumblr 23 minutes to realize I wrote more than what it actually posted…

Son, I am disappoint. 

First thing is first… 

PRIORITIES… mine SUCK. At least recently…for the most part. Seriously, I’ve been absolutely terrible. Finishing assignments at 0400hrs or just not bothering to get sleep cause I’m too lazy?

How can you be too lazy to sleep? Sleep is awesome! Also, for the weak according to my proper English compatriot. Still, I get the feeling that 2-3 hours a night is really bad.

How do you get someone who wants a routine, but hates routines - to start one?

Threaten his giblets? his rooty tooty point and shooty? OH GOD NOT THE FACE!

I’ve been put off a lot of things this year, and I do have to attribute it to the amount of bullshit I’ve put up with, especially in 2012 alone. Call it Karma for me laughing at the poor, decrepit souls that wander aimlessly through life, or laughing at the beached whales we all know. The ones that can’t manage to severe the arteries that now bind them to their sitting/chair/thing/device, they’re my favourite - My mind floats towards the nature of Happy Tree Friends, to see how the separation will pan out.

On a more serious note though…2012 has decided it feels like kicking my ass. I say this because of what has physically happened to me so far this year. 

I’ve gotten sick 24 times - Think “The Tick” and the chicken soup episode <-That pathetic

Work has forgotten to pay me —Twice—   <-Then tried to claim I was lying about it

Work requires three years service for prescription glasses coverage now (up from two), and reset my counter which was sitting at one year as of December with the new contract.

I had a skid fall on my right foot at work, missed four days —They aren’t covering that—  <-Still healing

Currently diagnosed with CTS (or Carpal Tunnel Syndrome for those playing the home game) bad stuff with wrists. — Mainly because of work, and how much time I spend typing/editing —   <-Getting my hands cut open soon~!

Due to the above, I will be without my hands for over a month (Include leud no sex life joke here)  <- Also pathetic

That means no school, no work, nadda

Only seen my girlfriend, the Velociraptor once since she came back from Germany/France (Still jealous btw… but you did bring me booze <3)

I STILL WANT STORY TIME!!! 

Lack of sleep has been a constant downer as well… I miss not being alone in bed, so much so that I don’t sleep normally if I am.

My gf visiting during Anime North,as awesome as it was -kinda- sucked… but only because my body is stupid and can’t regulate temperature properly in the fucking summer… stupid furnace…go bur..wait…damn it.

I am kind of looking forward to getting that few months break when I get my hand cut open… because then I’ll actually get time to take care of those important things, or people.

I also can’t believe I have a 5 hour break in between classes on wednesdays too… how have i not gone insane yet? I usually don’t hang out at the school, as I don’t really have “hang-out” buddies. 

So I’m currently logged onto Tim Hortons’ wifi… when the hell did they get wifi? 

ps. your coffee sucks, your donuts suck, your muffins suck… but your tea is okay… for now. Until you do something stupid to it. Better than Starbuck’s I suppose.

OH~! More about the CTS, carpal tunnel shit. For those that are curious, I can’t feel half of my hand, every once in a while I’ll get a sharp pain in my palm - which also likes to go “FUCK YOU IN YOUR FACE” and send sharp pains up my whole arm! Still need to get some cortisone injections - see if that clears anything up - but for the most part its looking like surgery when I can schedule it.

For the gaming followers - SirChibbles bought F3AR (or Fear 3…whatever) for us the other day, and we played through the entire co-op story…in all but 4 hours (rounding up). It was on special for 5 quid…so, no fuss from me. Regular price? Not worth it in IMHO.

Might take up my sketches again, but only when my stress levels return to that of a regular human being.

Until then, I’m off to give these bitches some space….bitches love space.

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE~!

Now that’s this is finally done and over with….

After quite the hectic 7 days weeks I’ve had, it’s finally calmed down. Assignments are all finished – not all on time due to complications, but done nonetheless.

Over the next few weeks, I should be able to catch up on the things I’ve been letting slide… Getting out taking pictures, spending time with family and friends… I finally got my hair cut too! The mop on my head was getting to be quite the annoyance.

Exams are over with and all that is left is work. Work, work, work… As much as I hate it, I love it (aside from the fact that it’s been paying the bills)…  I have some complications coming up at work and I’ll need to decide my next course of action, though I need more facts about what management is up to.

I guess I’m hoping to find something in my new field to pay bills, but it’s a really difficult field to start in. Having to work for free to get your name known is a necessary sacrifice at best.

I should start looking at my career choice as an RPG game or something. The more I learn on set, and the more comfortable I am while on the job could represent my character or skill levels etc. I know it’s nerdy… I might not end up actually writing it out or anything… cause that’s just one more thing to add to my routine every week.

Heading back home in a few weeks to check on the old fart, see how he’s doing. Every time I head down, I play therapist for pretty much my whole family (not that I mind at all), it makes me feel that I am contributing something for them each time I come down – making things a little easier for the time being (I hope). 

I’m not sure if it’s just how I am, but I do get a lot of people coming to me to get things off their minds. I try to never give advice, especially for certain situations that could end up hurting someone, or myself. Heh… you want relationship advice? Don’t bother… Before my current relationship (which is still going well douchebags), three months was probably my longest record… Why’d they end so soon? They couldn’t take my obnoxious personality anymore, or their douchebag brother wrecked my van and the family refused to pay for it. There is that other thing I had for what… 7 years… but I no longer even want to consider that remotely close to a “relationship”… I’m sick of it, and I hate being reminded of it; especially by myself.

For now, I’m just going to focus on the source of my bliss, bliss? Really? I honestly don’t think that suits it right…. Its like… clichéd… I don’t really like that word…

Hmmmmmm….

How about the source of the little explosions in my brain that make me giggle like a retarded baby on crack.

This is fucking fantastic

tennantface:

Should Have Posted Before Dropping It Off

A whole lot of good and a whole lot of bad have come up recently. Lets start with the bad shall we?

My income is still “barely” overcoming expenses…and no I’m not frivolous… this is with me being quite stringent. Not so bad, but not good nonetheless. Worse than that, my Macbook has decided to fry its airport card – rendering my wifi completely useless at school, or home, or out and about. Normally I wouldn’t be too fussed, but now that my cell phone has FINALLY been put to rest, my laptop has been the only method of contacting me while mobile. The parts have come in today… which means that I will be losing my laptop anywhere from 45 minutes to 5 days… judging by what’s needed to be repaired, it shouldn’t be long; I’m worried about the queue in the repair room. One other bad thing happened, but you need to hear the good about it first so I don’t put the good in the bad category. As foreshadowing – I hate taxis.

The good! I landed myself a job on an overnight shoot for a music video. FANTASTIC! Got my name out there, got along well with everyone, and I may get called to work with the gaffer again. Sore as hell, but I had a lot of fun, learned a lot, and made some new friends. The taxi ended up costing me $50, and because I forgot to get the receipt… couldn’t get reimbursed….Also, it just so happened however, that I found out the time frame for this the day of my girlfriend coming down from Midland (Ontario – not the station) and she was coming down right after work… so it ended up she spent the night alone… in my apartment… with only my room mate… with me in the ‘Shwa for the next 18 hours.

I get the feeling that my gf and the roomie don’t get along too well… They don’t fight… but… I get the feeling they avoid each other as much as possible. 

For those of you that keep bugging me about how things are going with ze girlyfriend…things are FINE… stop asking me every time we talk as if you’re expecting some form of drama. We don’t have any relationship problems; we’re both incredible dorks and enjoy each other all the better because of it. 

Other great news, Pwntato Chips has been growing in numbers! Hopefully we’ll be hitting the Cataclysm content, and then onto the burnination of the Firelands soon after. Now to get Sir Chibbles back into action and let Wurzag out of his proverbial cage. In the meantime, I’ll stack stamina and get better at making everything hit me, instead of everyone else.

Tanks, you’re welcome.